Or even. Why ? When did that happen ? What next ? Where am I headed now ?
Scary scary scary, sad sad sad. As our summer holiday is ending, I have to pull my head out of my arse and accept that my third and final baby boy is starting big school in 3 days. With his siblings, all together, he’s excited, can’t wait to join his elders, it’s all a big adventure, which I’m glad and so thankful he is eager and keen to get started, that’s wonderful. My issue is me. I’m beside myself at the prospect that my last baby is starting school. It is a massive big milestone, it is so significant for me as a mother and a woman, I have completed my task, I have succeeded in raising them to school age, now they go off to begin their independent lives, my attachment to them slowly slowly reducing as they learn to spread their wings. I remember my pregnancies, the births, the firsts, you know the first sleep through the night, first solid foods, first tooth, sitting up, first words, first steps, first night in a big boys bed, so so many things that we have shared together.
I know you may be thinking FFS woman, they are just going to school, not leaving home (uuuuffff this is what The Mr is thinking and clearly he has no idea WTF I am getting my knickers in a twist about, remember mars and Venus…..) and I know I know, but I can’t help how I am feeling at this time, it’s a biggy for me and I am finding it difficult to deal with. I know how fast these past 9 years have whizzed by since I joined the motherhood, and it scares me how fast my little people are growing up. The baby stage and toddler stage has ended now in my household, and frankly I want to stop the clock please. I’m scared how the next load of firsts will pass by, first girlfriends, first kiss, first broken heart……first one to leave home. Ouch. My heart flinches with that thought.
People keep saying to me how I will have more time on my hands and able to think more about working and getting my life back (the goddamn Mr again, he really says all the wrong things at all the wrong times, remember mars and Venus…..) and I am thinking what?! Are you mad ?! Have you no idea what I feel ?!
I can’t really express everything that I feel, I am hoping that you mothers out there who have been, seen and done this stage can understand me, relate to what I’m jabbering on about, and tell me it’s ok. I know it will be. It’s a process. And we do just carry on with whatever is thrown in our path, but hell I’m crying a lot and keeping Andrex in profit at the moment.
Hey ho. Crazy journey this life malarkey.